I am writing this whilst sitting on my bed in my underwear. It's two thirty pm on a Thursday afternoon and I'm drinking a bottle of Brothers' toffee apple cider. I've just gotten in to my house from the most stressful dog walk ever. I've decided that I'm going to blog about this because if I don't then I might actually cry. Plus this could potentially be funny in like two weeks time when all the mud comes out of my jacket and I've washed the sticks out of my hair.
So I've moved to my new house. I don't know the area too well so I've been taking advantage of dog walks to work out where everything is. It's a nice cloudy but dry day and I decide I'll take Sam out for an extra walk. He usually only has a walk in the morning and at night but I figure he'll benefit from a walk in the middle of the day. My mum's been telling me about these really nice woods near our house so I decide to go check it out. I walk Batdog down the village without a leash and he doesn't go into anyone's garden or run onto the road. So far so good.
I get into the woods, it's nice, everything seems to be well paved and we carry on down in search of this duck pong my mum's been harping on about. Sam seems to know where he's going, he's been here before so I keep following him. We have a nice little walk and I'm taking a few photos thinking about the lovely idyllic blog post I can write(HA!) about how much I love just getting out into the open air with my dog. Sam goes for a swim which isn't ideal because now he's going to stink like nobodies business but he's happy and that's all that matters.
The path seems to be in a circular fashion so I carry on thinking that if I just keep going I'll end up where I started. This is when Sam walks into a puddle. Or what looks like a puddle. It's actually a really deep hole full of water. He plunges right under and when he surfaces he's scrambling at the edges and it's obvious that he can't get out himself. My heart dropped. He was about 10m away from me and I threw down my bag and the leash and started running towards him. I cut my legs, through my jeans as I had to practically go through a bush. I tried to hoist him out via the collar but it soon became very obvious that this just wasn't going to work. I had to get down and hoist him out by the armpits. And then what does the little bastard do once he's out. He shakes. Of course he does. Thanks for saving me Hayley, have some water.
So by this point I'm feeling pretty tired, stressed and just want to get home. So I carry on walking as quickly as I can. Sam seems undeterred, still running around in his usual nut job fashion. Then we meet 3 deer. Yes deer. Like goddam bambis. So close I could see their little white flulffy tails moving. So of course, Sam takes off after then, and then I take off after Sam. Next thing I know, I'm far away from the paths. I don't know where I am. Sam's here, the deer are not. Great. I have absolutely no idea where I am. So I spend the next half an hour or so walking about trying to get back on a path. I also have sticks in my hair. See? Not cool.
Oh, and then it started to rain.
Oh thank god. Look at that. A path. I'd never seen anything so beautiful. And then Batdog ran away. Again. When I finally caught up with him he was hanging around with a lady, a pram and two other dogs. Oh for gods sake Batdog. You are not on my good books at the moment.